Doing Nothing to Perfection

"Doing nothing to perfection."

Take a moment to think about that little phrase. Let it roll around in your noggin. Maybe write it down, set it aside on your desk and take a look at it in a few days. In cotrast to its actual words, I think this is one of the perfect quotes of all time. Anyone who knows me very well knows two things about me. I am a lousy typer and I love editing. Why? Because grammar is a very structured method of communication that has an almost mathmatic feel to it, yet is flud enough to change over time. People wonder why I am such a louse grammarian when I write. Well, the best I can come up with is that I was born to write, so it comes naturally out of my fingertips, but I learned how to edit, so I have to think about what I am writing if I am trying to do it grammatically correct. I cant be creative and write at the same time.

Anyway, I was over on the blog of a wonderful writer friend and this little ditty caught my eye in his comments column. It was left there by a reader who was commenting on how their parents and children share many of the same traits; one of which is doing nothing to perfection.

Doing nothing to perfection has been a practice of mine for a good 20 years. I think this practice stemmed from the fact that my dad was always demanding perfection from a daughter who tried her best many times, but was constantly falling short of the mark. As a result, I then thought, what is the point, got really depressed, stayed that way for many years, and never really did much at all. If you don'd do much, it is harder to actually fail at what you do. A very safe, if unfullfilling, life philosophy.

Eventually, I discovered that there is a middle ground between laboring under the illusion that perfection is attainable and thinking that life is a futile struggle toward perfection so why bother. It is called doing the best you can.

Doing the best you can is such a simple thing to say, but so hard to be happy with. Yet, when you discover that doing you best is going to have to be good enough and being ok with that philosophy, life gets oh so much easier. Not only are you content with giving your all and being satisfied, but you are not concered with things like envy and jealousy. You realize they are all just a waste of energy you could be channeling into other areas that are more productive.

Life becomes about the journey, not the destination. Big things dont really matter much anymore. Suddenly the world becomes filled with little things which, if tended to properly, tend to take care of the big things. It is kind of a self-fullfilling way of life.

Now, I am not saying that I am some sort of guru here on this matter. No, I can be quite the self-absorbed drama queen. In fact, I find that the more I shy away from the pursuit of perfection, the less I tend to worry about what other people think or how they feel. Not that I am this insensitve clod, it is just that, when you are happy, others sense that and you tend to make them happy just by being you.

Anyway, that is my rant de jour.

Happy Mother's Day

Today is the Hallmark Day we opt to thank our moms for doing all that they do for us. Personally, I think all this mother's day stuff is crap. This Queen for a Day shit is just our own little justification for taking advantage of the woman who gave us life for the rest of the year (except, maybe, on her birthday).

Think about it. Thanksgiving Day. Who makes the 42 dishes that wind up on the table? Who winds up doing the dishesh. Anyone who has ever put together a Turkey dinner for more than 4 people knows that such a feat puts somewhat of a damper on any holiday. However, who is the person who is likely giving the most thanks for everything? Mom. While the kids are barely holding back lunging for the piping hot meal while someone makes a speech, and the men at the table are watching their 5th football game of the day, mom is sitting there with her family surroudning her, thinking how she is just thankful at who is with her on this special day. She is probably also wishing for a dishes fairy to flit down and clean up the mess she spent all day creating since no one in the room is likely to take on the task.

Now, I realize that not all moms are such homemakers and not ever family has such a Norman Rockwell existence, however, I am feeling setimental today and, if you dont like this post, just move on to the next one.

This is my first official Mother's Day. This time last year, we knew I was pregnant and we went out and bought a car. It was my first Mother's Day present. This year, my only wish was to be left alone. I am a lucky woman in that I have a low-maintenece baby and a husband who is not adverse to doing housework. The frog went the extra mile and made my Mommy Day last all weekend. He made me breakfast yesterday, took care of the Kidlet most of yesterday, and he even took the Kidlet out for several hours with his mom and sister while I stayed at home and relaxed. I didnt have to listen for a cry. I knew my baby was safe. I didnt have to worry and I didnt have anyone relying on me for a few hours. It was pure bliss.

Such a simple thing, really. But it made my day so wonderful. The Frog got me a nice birdbath that hangs from a tree. I am hoping it does not become the Fuzzle Buffet. I didnt need all the trappings of the day. I dont like to go out to brunch. We go out to breakfast all the time. Why would I want to do it on a day when everyone else on the planet is squeezing into restraunts? NO thanks. I just wanted to have some time to do nothing.

I think this day is bullshit becuase, as a mother, I know that I dont need a card or some flowers or some crowded brunch to know I am a good mother and wife. I need respect and love and hugs and kisses every day. I need to be told that my kid seems to be a happy baby. I need my kid to be healthy and for the Dr. to ask ME questions becuase I know my daughter better than he does. I need to see the smile on my daughter's face and the look of pride in my husband's eyes to know I am doing a good job. So, when he asks me what I want for Mother's Day, I tell him I just want a couple hours of peace where the only person I have to think about is me; and we can arrange that any day of the year.

PMSing Men and Trivia Chat

Life is change. We know this, but I don’t think most people really grasp that idea until someone such as myself points it out. We go through life, day after day, most of us sticking more or less to a routine. We think that life is the same thing over and over, but, truth is, we are in a constant state of evolving. Only when we take a trip down memory lane do we realize how things have changed.

Since becoming a mom, the focus of my whole life shifted from myself onto my daughter. She goes where I go and she decides when it is best to go home. She announces this to all around us lest there be any doubt. We have also bought a house, so the majority of my free time has been planting things in the yard and pulling up the never-ending growth of weeds. I have little time for my computer outside of research (usually about baby supplies or where is a kid-friendly to meet up with friends) and emails.

Last week, my computer finally crossed the line. It went offline 5 times in one day and I had it. It was one of those unusual days where I had several opportunities to log on for a bit and catch up on my news and newsgroups. Unfortunately, my computer kept going offline, so I would spend most of the time I had at the computer rebooting. I informed the frog that this computer would soon be airborne and we should probably thing about getting me a new one soon.

So, now I have my spiffy new machine sitting here on my file cabinet eagerly awaiting the big switch where we plug it into the world wide web. All I have to do is clean up the hard drive on my old computer and decide what programs I either want to erase or transfer to the new hard drive. The old hard drive will then be reformatted and used as a fancy storage disc. So, here I sit going through all my old programs

I came across my chat program. I used to love chat. I even had a shortcut on my taskbar so I could log on with just a single click. I used to chat every day. I met people from all over the world. I used to debate politics and philosophy with people on at least 5 continents. When I was in school, chat was my only real means of social interaction. Chat saved me from feeling isolated and alone when all I did all day and all night was homework. I didn’t have time for a real social life, so, inside this tiny box, lay my whole world.

I made many friends in this box. Had several sleepless nights talking to people, getting to know them and their offline lives. Some were for real, others were living out their fantasies online. You never know what you are dealing with on the other side of this box. Personally, I didn’t really care if people were honest or not. I found them amusing, they gave me comfort, I was fulfilled.

Eventually, my computer life came into my real life. I met my husband in a chat room. Obviously that turned out for the best. Our daughter is named for a chatter I knew for many years who died right before we found out we were parents.

But, like all things, my chatting heyday sort of petered off. The debates became a blue of non-sequiturs. Infighting and drama became the order of the room and actual structured discussion became unusual. My schoolwork took over whatever time I was not with my then boyfriend. Chat had to take a back seat.

Now, I am barely online at all. I have a couple messengers on my computer and will usually talk to a couple people once in awhile if they are on when I am. I have a few newsgroups and a couple mommy groups where I go and post. They are slow groups and not much going on, but they are just my speed.

My last chat room was a trivia room full of some of the most interesting people. Most of them were (still are, as far as I know) Canadians and from other countries besides the USA. I loved going in there for the friendly banter and trivia questions while I relaxed. Sadly, once I was pregnant, I was tired a lot more and didn’t have the energy to go down and say hi to my friends. One day, it just stopped being even a remote part of my daily routine.

Today, I went into visit. Two of my favorite regulars were there and talked to me for a bit. I asked how they were, they asked how I was and how Kassie is doing. The trivia questions scrolled by on my screen in between conversation posts. We caught up and they encouraged me (one in a rather bitchy but loving way) to come write today. I realized that I really miss their friendships and that of several other people I have met over the years. I could say that I will make a better effort to stay in touch with them and will do my best to get in touch with the people I have not talked to in the past year, but I know this is not the case. I think that chapter of my life is past. This makes me sad.

I am happy that they remember me in the trivia room and always seem interested in saying howdee without a lot of fanfare. Someday I hope to meet some of them. I stand a better chance of that happening than me getting back into chat.

Like I said, I really loved chat. For a couple years, it really saved my sanity. I cannot name most of the people I used to talk to every day and whose lives were so intertwined with my own. The change happened so gradually, that I barely noticed it. But, today I sit here, a little sad for the loss of a wonderful chapter of my life.

Another Start

Ok, so I turned to the dark side. I went to myspace and tried to get interesting there. I did pretty well for about 4 posts, then kinda petered off, as I usually do.

But, my renewed commitment to writing dictates that I keep it up, so I came back to this lovely space and have decided that it is going to be my new space for awhile. So, if you have this place bookmarked, then you are doing well.

I am having one of those days today. The kidlet's bitch switch is stuck on and I have a headache and the inlaws should be on their way over within the hour. I was supposed to go eat breakfast with them , but that plan fell through. Usually I get a little urked with people who make plans with you but you know it will never happen. Today I am grateful for it because I am just being the flake. However, I cannot recall the last time I was really anxious to go out with a screaming infant in public just for the sake of time together.

Anyway, other than that, life is good. I got a great husband who makes enough money so I can stay home and raise our kid. I have a (usually) great kid who has a rare off day. We have a great house. Life is good.

So, hopefully I will get better at keeping this up to date.

What Is in a Name?

We are getting along in the pregnancy now. We just found out that we are having a girl and now, the only question left is what the name is going to be. We actually settled on the names right after we found out we were pregnant, but, since we didn't know what we were having, we held off on telling everyone.

We settled on Kassandra Arabella Siegle. It is a beautiful, lyrical name. It can be shortened to Kassiebella. It is unique. It preserves both Kermit's and my initials, KAS. I think it is a great name. Other people disagree.

Some thing it is too long. Others think it is heavy on the 's' sound. Still others think that a long first name begs for a short middle name. Fortunately, I have dug in and am sticking with the name we have chosen. But, with all this name gaming, I have realized something in my old age...I have become a liar.

I used to absolutely believe that truth was everything. Being honest was the most important thing because integrity was the only thing that I had on my side at times. Now I realize that sometimes people don't want to hear the truth. They want to hear that you agree with them. I have been asked several time about the baby's name only to find myself standing there with a fake smile plastered to my mug while trying not to shout, "WELL, NEXT TIME WE WILL CONSULT YOU AND MAKE SURE YOU APPROVE OF OUR CHOICE"

It isn't that I don't appreciate feedback when I ask for it. It is that so often, people feel that there is some unspoken invitation for their opinion like it is going to make any difference. The only difference it makes is that I spend the rest of the conversation trying to figure out an escape route. If I want your opinion, I will ask for it. Otherwise, lie to me. Tell me what a great choice of name we made. Tell me how beautiful the name is as it dances across your ears. Don't tell me what is wrong with it. don't offer suggestions for other names. Most of all, don't make a face and tell me how you knew someone named that in high school and how much you hated her. I don't want to hear it.

Oh Crap, Another Batman Movie.

I am getting so annoyed with the entertainment business lately. Apparently there was a 12-week slump going on that I was not paying attention to. There has been much speculation about why there is such a lag going on. Apparently we Americans are more content to channel surf at home on our couches rather than brave the movie houses. Huh?

Did I hear that right? I am more content to work my ass groove into the sofa than go out for a nice date? Uh…I don’t think so.

I think the movie industry needs a wake up call. First off, someone really needs to take a critical look at the CRAP Hollywood is putting out. Mainstream movies are mostly remakes of movies we have seen before, based on comic books we have all read or seen the TV cartoon for, or they just suck. There seems to be some brain trust in Hollywood that is the be all of decision-making. Apparently these smarter-than-thou braniacs seem to think that Americans like regurgitated fluff that can be created without having to pay a writer to be creative. Just recycle an old script and even use the same jokes. There is so little quality being produced these days that it is no wonder we cannot be lured from our homes.

The second part of this wake up call involves economics. Since Hollywood seems so focused on the bottom line, this part should be easy to understand. When my hubby and I go to the movies, it breaks down like this:

§ Parking: either $5 or free, depending on if we park on the street.
§ Tickets: $12 because we have coupons that give us a discount. If it is a non-discount evening show, we can expect to kick down between $18 and 20.
§ Snacks: Usually around $16.

So, for hubby and I to have a nice evening out, we are spending $28 to 40 for two hours. Three if you want to count driving and parking time. To sit in a theater watching something I have already seen with cell phones going off, my chair getting kicked constantly and fighting some stranger for the arm rest? Uh, yeah. I don’t think so. If I am going to brave a theater and pay this much money, I better be seeing something thoroughly entertaining.

I see two ways around this slump. First off, quit paying actors so much to make films. Really, I am sure being a celebrity and dealing with paparazzi is a difficult way of life, but, if you didn’t want that kind of fame, you would have stuck to the stage. And what can be so hard that someone (in any profession) deserves $17 million for roughly three months worth of work? Geeze. I understand box office star power, but I also understand inflated box office prices. Pay the actors less and lower my ticket prices accordingly. That is the first step to wooing me out for a night in the dark.

Second, let Hollywood study the independent film scene. The number of independent films that are becoming successful should be an indicator to the powers in Hollywood that their formulaic moviemaking may not be the answer they are looking for. Independent films tend to be intelligent and original. Obviously, when people spend their money on these little films, they are sending a message: quit feeding me sub-par crap.

So, while studies may show that Americans are more likely to sit at home in front of the tube for entertainment, I think the reasons they do so are not so obvious in studies. It is not that they prefer to sit at home, it is that they just cant find a reason to leave it.

The Saga is Over.

This post is for everyone, but, to give some perspective, I would like to mention that I was 9 when the first one came out, so I am all about being awed by the special effects, having the arguments about who was sexier, Han or Luke, and all that stuff that we did at the time.

I was the first person in line for Empire Strikes Back. To this day, I have never recaptured the awe of that moment when I walked into the theater and every single seat was empty and I could sit anywhere for the sequel to the greatest movie I had ever seen.

I am not now, nor have I ever been one of those fanatical people who can recite all the dialogue, and wears a light sabre to school/work. Hell, you should see how fast I lose Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. I am still sitting in the middle when the frog returns with his pie full. I don’t like to talk about it.

Now, like almost everyone on the planet, I have grown wary and skeptical about the prequels. To me, the original three were as much about special effects as they were aboutl plot. Now, with CGI, there is nothing impressive about special effects anymore. You can do anything on a computer. It is not so great.

I have read the articles and criticisms of the first two and read things about bad acting and stilted dialogue. I think people forget that these words could easily describe the first three movies as well, but we gave them a break because it was STAR WARS. Well, I think our patience ran out after sitting through an entire movie with Jar Jar Binks. I hope someone lost their job over that.

The main difference between the old films and the prequels is that the older films were much more linear. Their entire storyline was “defeat the empire”. How they went about doing it varied from film to film, but the goal was the same for all three films. The problems the prequels faced were that the audience already knew the outcome and the films had to fill in all the blanks. Why was there a war? How did Aniken become Darth Vader? Why were Luke and Leia separated at birth…etc. A lot of questions had to be addressed and there is just no way to give so much information in a linear storytelling.

The frog and I kind of decided to brave the movie at the last minute (well, two hours before the show) because we noticed that new shows were starting about every half hour. Well, with that many shows, if we bought our tix, got in line, we should get a good seat. So that is what we did. All was well. Even sitting through The Twenty and a half hour of more commercials and previews was not so bad. Then…..the Lucas logo came on screen….

I sat up and grabbed the frog’s hand. The silence accompanied by the words “long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”, that moment of anticipation where my tension became almost unbearable and then….

The first notes of John Williams famous score blasted out of the screen and the words STAR WARS pulled back. I squeezed the frog’s hand and wiggled with glee in my chair. I was instantly 12 again. I am not even sure what the scroll said, I was too busy wriggling in my seat.

The opening battle sequence was impressive. It was not so much about special effects as how the shots were put together. I really felt like I was in a ship running around as part of the battle. It was awesome. And it only got better.

Now, I read the reviews and I know that there were more than a few complaints that the light saber battles went on too long. Huh? Is that possible? Sure, the fights were long, but they were rarely one long sequence. There was often a cutaway to something else so it didn’t seem so long. To those critics I say….SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND EAT YOUR POPCORN. What a waste of a seat that could have gone to someone who appreciates the movies.

The best part is watching the Darth Vader costume come together. The mask comes down and you watch, in profile, as the helmet comes over and clicks into place. There is a moment of silence just to take in the vision of the profile of evil and then…you hear it. Darth Vader takes his first breath through the respirator. I almost dove into the frog’s lap. A moment later, the voice of evil (donated by James Earl Jones) comes through and the transformation is complete. The universe has a new evil and it is wonderful.

The movie is not great, but it made me happy. I actually clapped like an idiot at the end. I can see the flaws, but I don’t care. There are areas that could have been more developed, but I still don’t care. Lucas did a fine job of bringing the story full circle.