Doing Nothing to Perfection

"Doing nothing to perfection."

Take a moment to think about that little phrase. Let it roll around in your noggin. Maybe write it down, set it aside on your desk and take a look at it in a few days. In cotrast to its actual words, I think this is one of the perfect quotes of all time. Anyone who knows me very well knows two things about me. I am a lousy typer and I love editing. Why? Because grammar is a very structured method of communication that has an almost mathmatic feel to it, yet is flud enough to change over time. People wonder why I am such a louse grammarian when I write. Well, the best I can come up with is that I was born to write, so it comes naturally out of my fingertips, but I learned how to edit, so I have to think about what I am writing if I am trying to do it grammatically correct. I cant be creative and write at the same time.

Anyway, I was over on the blog of a wonderful writer friend and this little ditty caught my eye in his comments column. It was left there by a reader who was commenting on how their parents and children share many of the same traits; one of which is doing nothing to perfection.

Doing nothing to perfection has been a practice of mine for a good 20 years. I think this practice stemmed from the fact that my dad was always demanding perfection from a daughter who tried her best many times, but was constantly falling short of the mark. As a result, I then thought, what is the point, got really depressed, stayed that way for many years, and never really did much at all. If you don'd do much, it is harder to actually fail at what you do. A very safe, if unfullfilling, life philosophy.

Eventually, I discovered that there is a middle ground between laboring under the illusion that perfection is attainable and thinking that life is a futile struggle toward perfection so why bother. It is called doing the best you can.

Doing the best you can is such a simple thing to say, but so hard to be happy with. Yet, when you discover that doing you best is going to have to be good enough and being ok with that philosophy, life gets oh so much easier. Not only are you content with giving your all and being satisfied, but you are not concered with things like envy and jealousy. You realize they are all just a waste of energy you could be channeling into other areas that are more productive.

Life becomes about the journey, not the destination. Big things dont really matter much anymore. Suddenly the world becomes filled with little things which, if tended to properly, tend to take care of the big things. It is kind of a self-fullfilling way of life.

Now, I am not saying that I am some sort of guru here on this matter. No, I can be quite the self-absorbed drama queen. In fact, I find that the more I shy away from the pursuit of perfection, the less I tend to worry about what other people think or how they feel. Not that I am this insensitve clod, it is just that, when you are happy, others sense that and you tend to make them happy just by being you.

Anyway, that is my rant de jour.

Happy Mother's Day

Today is the Hallmark Day we opt to thank our moms for doing all that they do for us. Personally, I think all this mother's day stuff is crap. This Queen for a Day shit is just our own little justification for taking advantage of the woman who gave us life for the rest of the year (except, maybe, on her birthday).

Think about it. Thanksgiving Day. Who makes the 42 dishes that wind up on the table? Who winds up doing the dishesh. Anyone who has ever put together a Turkey dinner for more than 4 people knows that such a feat puts somewhat of a damper on any holiday. However, who is the person who is likely giving the most thanks for everything? Mom. While the kids are barely holding back lunging for the piping hot meal while someone makes a speech, and the men at the table are watching their 5th football game of the day, mom is sitting there with her family surroudning her, thinking how she is just thankful at who is with her on this special day. She is probably also wishing for a dishes fairy to flit down and clean up the mess she spent all day creating since no one in the room is likely to take on the task.

Now, I realize that not all moms are such homemakers and not ever family has such a Norman Rockwell existence, however, I am feeling setimental today and, if you dont like this post, just move on to the next one.

This is my first official Mother's Day. This time last year, we knew I was pregnant and we went out and bought a car. It was my first Mother's Day present. This year, my only wish was to be left alone. I am a lucky woman in that I have a low-maintenece baby and a husband who is not adverse to doing housework. The frog went the extra mile and made my Mommy Day last all weekend. He made me breakfast yesterday, took care of the Kidlet most of yesterday, and he even took the Kidlet out for several hours with his mom and sister while I stayed at home and relaxed. I didnt have to listen for a cry. I knew my baby was safe. I didnt have to worry and I didnt have anyone relying on me for a few hours. It was pure bliss.

Such a simple thing, really. But it made my day so wonderful. The Frog got me a nice birdbath that hangs from a tree. I am hoping it does not become the Fuzzle Buffet. I didnt need all the trappings of the day. I dont like to go out to brunch. We go out to breakfast all the time. Why would I want to do it on a day when everyone else on the planet is squeezing into restraunts? NO thanks. I just wanted to have some time to do nothing.

I think this day is bullshit becuase, as a mother, I know that I dont need a card or some flowers or some crowded brunch to know I am a good mother and wife. I need respect and love and hugs and kisses every day. I need to be told that my kid seems to be a happy baby. I need my kid to be healthy and for the Dr. to ask ME questions becuase I know my daughter better than he does. I need to see the smile on my daughter's face and the look of pride in my husband's eyes to know I am doing a good job. So, when he asks me what I want for Mother's Day, I tell him I just want a couple hours of peace where the only person I have to think about is me; and we can arrange that any day of the year.

PMSing Men and Trivia Chat

Life is change. We know this, but I don’t think most people really grasp that idea until someone such as myself points it out. We go through life, day after day, most of us sticking more or less to a routine. We think that life is the same thing over and over, but, truth is, we are in a constant state of evolving. Only when we take a trip down memory lane do we realize how things have changed.

Since becoming a mom, the focus of my whole life shifted from myself onto my daughter. She goes where I go and she decides when it is best to go home. She announces this to all around us lest there be any doubt. We have also bought a house, so the majority of my free time has been planting things in the yard and pulling up the never-ending growth of weeds. I have little time for my computer outside of research (usually about baby supplies or where is a kid-friendly to meet up with friends) and emails.

Last week, my computer finally crossed the line. It went offline 5 times in one day and I had it. It was one of those unusual days where I had several opportunities to log on for a bit and catch up on my news and newsgroups. Unfortunately, my computer kept going offline, so I would spend most of the time I had at the computer rebooting. I informed the frog that this computer would soon be airborne and we should probably thing about getting me a new one soon.

So, now I have my spiffy new machine sitting here on my file cabinet eagerly awaiting the big switch where we plug it into the world wide web. All I have to do is clean up the hard drive on my old computer and decide what programs I either want to erase or transfer to the new hard drive. The old hard drive will then be reformatted and used as a fancy storage disc. So, here I sit going through all my old programs

I came across my chat program. I used to love chat. I even had a shortcut on my taskbar so I could log on with just a single click. I used to chat every day. I met people from all over the world. I used to debate politics and philosophy with people on at least 5 continents. When I was in school, chat was my only real means of social interaction. Chat saved me from feeling isolated and alone when all I did all day and all night was homework. I didn’t have time for a real social life, so, inside this tiny box, lay my whole world.

I made many friends in this box. Had several sleepless nights talking to people, getting to know them and their offline lives. Some were for real, others were living out their fantasies online. You never know what you are dealing with on the other side of this box. Personally, I didn’t really care if people were honest or not. I found them amusing, they gave me comfort, I was fulfilled.

Eventually, my computer life came into my real life. I met my husband in a chat room. Obviously that turned out for the best. Our daughter is named for a chatter I knew for many years who died right before we found out we were parents.

But, like all things, my chatting heyday sort of petered off. The debates became a blue of non-sequiturs. Infighting and drama became the order of the room and actual structured discussion became unusual. My schoolwork took over whatever time I was not with my then boyfriend. Chat had to take a back seat.

Now, I am barely online at all. I have a couple messengers on my computer and will usually talk to a couple people once in awhile if they are on when I am. I have a few newsgroups and a couple mommy groups where I go and post. They are slow groups and not much going on, but they are just my speed.

My last chat room was a trivia room full of some of the most interesting people. Most of them were (still are, as far as I know) Canadians and from other countries besides the USA. I loved going in there for the friendly banter and trivia questions while I relaxed. Sadly, once I was pregnant, I was tired a lot more and didn’t have the energy to go down and say hi to my friends. One day, it just stopped being even a remote part of my daily routine.

Today, I went into visit. Two of my favorite regulars were there and talked to me for a bit. I asked how they were, they asked how I was and how Kassie is doing. The trivia questions scrolled by on my screen in between conversation posts. We caught up and they encouraged me (one in a rather bitchy but loving way) to come write today. I realized that I really miss their friendships and that of several other people I have met over the years. I could say that I will make a better effort to stay in touch with them and will do my best to get in touch with the people I have not talked to in the past year, but I know this is not the case. I think that chapter of my life is past. This makes me sad.

I am happy that they remember me in the trivia room and always seem interested in saying howdee without a lot of fanfare. Someday I hope to meet some of them. I stand a better chance of that happening than me getting back into chat.

Like I said, I really loved chat. For a couple years, it really saved my sanity. I cannot name most of the people I used to talk to every day and whose lives were so intertwined with my own. The change happened so gradually, that I barely noticed it. But, today I sit here, a little sad for the loss of a wonderful chapter of my life.