Oh Crap, Another Batman Movie.

I am getting so annoyed with the entertainment business lately. Apparently there was a 12-week slump going on that I was not paying attention to. There has been much speculation about why there is such a lag going on. Apparently we Americans are more content to channel surf at home on our couches rather than brave the movie houses. Huh?

Did I hear that right? I am more content to work my ass groove into the sofa than go out for a nice date? Uh…I don’t think so.

I think the movie industry needs a wake up call. First off, someone really needs to take a critical look at the CRAP Hollywood is putting out. Mainstream movies are mostly remakes of movies we have seen before, based on comic books we have all read or seen the TV cartoon for, or they just suck. There seems to be some brain trust in Hollywood that is the be all of decision-making. Apparently these smarter-than-thou braniacs seem to think that Americans like regurgitated fluff that can be created without having to pay a writer to be creative. Just recycle an old script and even use the same jokes. There is so little quality being produced these days that it is no wonder we cannot be lured from our homes.

The second part of this wake up call involves economics. Since Hollywood seems so focused on the bottom line, this part should be easy to understand. When my hubby and I go to the movies, it breaks down like this:

§ Parking: either $5 or free, depending on if we park on the street.
§ Tickets: $12 because we have coupons that give us a discount. If it is a non-discount evening show, we can expect to kick down between $18 and 20.
§ Snacks: Usually around $16.

So, for hubby and I to have a nice evening out, we are spending $28 to 40 for two hours. Three if you want to count driving and parking time. To sit in a theater watching something I have already seen with cell phones going off, my chair getting kicked constantly and fighting some stranger for the arm rest? Uh, yeah. I don’t think so. If I am going to brave a theater and pay this much money, I better be seeing something thoroughly entertaining.

I see two ways around this slump. First off, quit paying actors so much to make films. Really, I am sure being a celebrity and dealing with paparazzi is a difficult way of life, but, if you didn’t want that kind of fame, you would have stuck to the stage. And what can be so hard that someone (in any profession) deserves $17 million for roughly three months worth of work? Geeze. I understand box office star power, but I also understand inflated box office prices. Pay the actors less and lower my ticket prices accordingly. That is the first step to wooing me out for a night in the dark.

Second, let Hollywood study the independent film scene. The number of independent films that are becoming successful should be an indicator to the powers in Hollywood that their formulaic moviemaking may not be the answer they are looking for. Independent films tend to be intelligent and original. Obviously, when people spend their money on these little films, they are sending a message: quit feeding me sub-par crap.

So, while studies may show that Americans are more likely to sit at home in front of the tube for entertainment, I think the reasons they do so are not so obvious in studies. It is not that they prefer to sit at home, it is that they just cant find a reason to leave it.

The Saga is Over.

This post is for everyone, but, to give some perspective, I would like to mention that I was 9 when the first one came out, so I am all about being awed by the special effects, having the arguments about who was sexier, Han or Luke, and all that stuff that we did at the time.

I was the first person in line for Empire Strikes Back. To this day, I have never recaptured the awe of that moment when I walked into the theater and every single seat was empty and I could sit anywhere for the sequel to the greatest movie I had ever seen.

I am not now, nor have I ever been one of those fanatical people who can recite all the dialogue, and wears a light sabre to school/work. Hell, you should see how fast I lose Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. I am still sitting in the middle when the frog returns with his pie full. I don’t like to talk about it.

Now, like almost everyone on the planet, I have grown wary and skeptical about the prequels. To me, the original three were as much about special effects as they were aboutl plot. Now, with CGI, there is nothing impressive about special effects anymore. You can do anything on a computer. It is not so great.

I have read the articles and criticisms of the first two and read things about bad acting and stilted dialogue. I think people forget that these words could easily describe the first three movies as well, but we gave them a break because it was STAR WARS. Well, I think our patience ran out after sitting through an entire movie with Jar Jar Binks. I hope someone lost their job over that.

The main difference between the old films and the prequels is that the older films were much more linear. Their entire storyline was “defeat the empire”. How they went about doing it varied from film to film, but the goal was the same for all three films. The problems the prequels faced were that the audience already knew the outcome and the films had to fill in all the blanks. Why was there a war? How did Aniken become Darth Vader? Why were Luke and Leia separated at birth…etc. A lot of questions had to be addressed and there is just no way to give so much information in a linear storytelling.

The frog and I kind of decided to brave the movie at the last minute (well, two hours before the show) because we noticed that new shows were starting about every half hour. Well, with that many shows, if we bought our tix, got in line, we should get a good seat. So that is what we did. All was well. Even sitting through The Twenty and a half hour of more commercials and previews was not so bad. Then…..the Lucas logo came on screen….

I sat up and grabbed the frog’s hand. The silence accompanied by the words “long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”, that moment of anticipation where my tension became almost unbearable and then….

The first notes of John Williams famous score blasted out of the screen and the words STAR WARS pulled back. I squeezed the frog’s hand and wiggled with glee in my chair. I was instantly 12 again. I am not even sure what the scroll said, I was too busy wriggling in my seat.

The opening battle sequence was impressive. It was not so much about special effects as how the shots were put together. I really felt like I was in a ship running around as part of the battle. It was awesome. And it only got better.

Now, I read the reviews and I know that there were more than a few complaints that the light saber battles went on too long. Huh? Is that possible? Sure, the fights were long, but they were rarely one long sequence. There was often a cutaway to something else so it didn’t seem so long. To those critics I say….SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND EAT YOUR POPCORN. What a waste of a seat that could have gone to someone who appreciates the movies.

The best part is watching the Darth Vader costume come together. The mask comes down and you watch, in profile, as the helmet comes over and clicks into place. There is a moment of silence just to take in the vision of the profile of evil and then…you hear it. Darth Vader takes his first breath through the respirator. I almost dove into the frog’s lap. A moment later, the voice of evil (donated by James Earl Jones) comes through and the transformation is complete. The universe has a new evil and it is wonderful.

The movie is not great, but it made me happy. I actually clapped like an idiot at the end. I can see the flaws, but I don’t care. There are areas that could have been more developed, but I still don’t care. Lucas did a fine job of bringing the story full circle.

Intro to the Road Kill Crew

I guess, if I am going to make this blog thingy interesting, I should start off by writing about interesting things. I was going to just sit here and ramble on about my day, but then I thought, what the hell, may as well put some of the other stuff down.

I should mention that I am writing from my crappy memory which I am sure has a tendency to embellish and remember wrong. I don't care. Most of the people being talked about are gone from my life, and those who are still around need a good reason to bitch at me anyway.

One of the most interesting times of my life involves a group of people collectively called the Road Kill Crew (RKC). That may be two words, I can't remember. Not important anyway.

Now, I have since talked to other members of the RKC and they don't have the fond memories that I do. I guess there was quite a bit of conflict and drama at the time, but I just don't remember it that much. I just remember having so much fun with this group of people. So, the tellings will be from my perspective and may be a little different from what others remember. If this is the case, then they can start their own blogs and write their versions down and we can all compare notes.

The first member of the RKC I met was Spanky. I worked at Round Table Pizza at the time and she was hired on as a delivery driver. I didn't really talk to her that much at first because she was rarely in the store and I was busy making pizzas. Somehow, we did eventually start talking and we found out that we had a lot in common. For one, we thought working at that Round Table was the stupidest job ever created. It was not that we were opposed to working hard for minimum wage or even that we had a problem with Round Table as a career. No, the reason we thought that working at that Round Table was stupid is that it was being run by a couple of nineteen year-old twerps with Napoleon complexes who thought that managing Round Table was an assignment bestowed on them by the creator hisself. To make matters worse, I had trained one of these little pipsqueaks a few years back at another store and now he was strutting around convinced of his ability to take a struggling store and make it into his own little pizza fiefdom.

In addition to think thinking that our bosses were idiots, I also knew that it was a matter of time before I got fired from that place. I was a good worker and all that, it was just that I had sort of quit the other place in a rather abrupt manner a few years back and the owners had not forgotten. They were keeping me around until I told them all the workings of the store. How the alarm worked, the little quirks in the register, how to do the ordering, stuff like that. I figured out pretty quick that they were just milking me for information and went to Spanky and told her that I was soon to be a fond memory.

Spanky shared my contempt for the store and our Machiavellian dipshits; though not for the same reasons I did. First off, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dork were constantly hitting on her. Somehow, they thought if they stared long enough at her chest or said just the right cheesy pick-up line, she would realize how awesome they were and throw off her clothes. Instead, she responded by laughing at them when they tried to tell her what to do and mocking them openly for believing that they were going to rule the world from the manager's office at Round Table. I cant say I blame her, but I was too busy fantasizing about putting them through the dough roller or dumping sauce on their over-gelled heads.

When the store started delivery, all the workers had to wear buttons that said "WE DELIVER", like it was some kind of proclamation that answered the secrets to the universe. Now, this part of our uniform made sense to those of us who worked in the store, but on the drivers? Oh, I don't think so. And neither did Spanky. After she flat-out refused to wear her button, the idiot twins scuttled back into the office to regroup and decide how to assert their authority over their insubordinate driver. They did not dare discipline her because, at this point, they still labored under the illusion that she might still come around and at least be civil to them.

After a few minutes, the lesser of our managers came out and asked her one more time to put on the button and be a team-player. Her answer was to avoid eye contact and let out a snort. What happened next I can only explain by assuming either that the jr. manager had no sense of self-preservation or that the shock value was so intense, that no one could react until it was all over. After her answer, the #2 weenie reached over and pinned the button onto Spanky's shirt and then walked away. We all stood rooted to our spots for a second trying to absorb what had just happened. The spell was broken when someone from the front rang the bell and called back, "order UP".

Did that just happen? Did he actually just do that? Looking back on the incident, I am pretty sure that he went back into the office and locked the door where the two of them proceeded to relive the moment and high five each other for finally outwitting the Spankster.

I was stunned. Apparently, so was Spanky. She stood there for a moment with a look of disgust on her face. Whether it was from losing this round or from having #2's grubby paws on her, I do not know. It could have been either.

Her reaction, when it came, was pretty much what you would expect. She turned to me and demanded to know "WHAT IS THIS SHIT? We deliver?? No shit! I am a fucking driver! What? People are going to think I walked to their house to deliver?" It went on like that for a few more minutes. The office door stayed shut tightly. All I could do was nod my head and try and keep my jaw from hitting my chest. After a nice tirade, Spanky took the offending button off and threw it at the office door on the way out to her next delivery.

In the end, I think that was the incident that cuased them to lose all control over that store. They tried the same tactic again when the store ran a promotion for Hawaiian Pizzas. We were ordered to wear plastic leis, but Spanky was ready for them this time. If they managed to get one on her, she would just tear it off and toss it somewhere. I am sure there are still some plastic leis around Sacramento that no one knows where they came from.

Eventually, we all moved on from that job. I was fired soon after I began demanding money to tell them how to fix things. On the last day before I was dismissed, the cash register froze up and an alarm went off inside it. I knew how to fix the problem, but I refused to tell them how until they gave me $10. Of course, I didn't get the $10, but watching them operate out of the petty cash machine and trying to get the register open was totally worth the price of getting fired.

At least, through that job, I met Spanky, and, through her, met the Road Kill Crew